The Last Thing I Heard People Say at L’Éclair in Paris:

Today I was at my café called L’Éclair in Paris and because everyone always asks me what kind of conversations go on at my café I thought I’d take a picture and then record the last thing I heard everyone say. So this is the last thing I heard my fellow café goers say at L’Éclair:

1. Nah. Helmets usually eat free. [Runs a hand through his hair.] If you know where to look.

2. Now this is interesting. According to this literature here Johnny Book is actually the second best travel writer on the planet. It says um…well apparently Rick Steves is coming in number one.

3. [Sighs.] No. No. No that’s bulls*&t.

4. Ha. Mom. How many times have I told you to sit facing the street. Tourist.

5. I literally have photos of her laying out at the beach…literally the only one with toes pointing…away from the ocean.

6. What are they talking about over there?

7. Someone’s mother sat in our café facing away from the street.

8. And not sitting in the row of tables closest to the street? [Slam fist.] That is not acceptable.

9. Try it again but this time see how it feels untucking your thumb.

10. It’s just that some of us are trying really hard to set a good example. Like f$%king Hemingway.

11. She did what?

12. I am too a real Limp Bizkit fan for liking their new s*&t better.

13. God please tell me the guillotine days of Paris are over and they don’t serve drinks from watermelons cut in half…Oh f*&k.

14. This is bulls*&t.

15. That’s my camera.